Very, very impressive concept! You really have a gift when it comes to weaving multiple melodic lines, letting them move together, diverge to the edges of dissonance and then back together.
Couple of thoughts:
1) I find the left-panned crash cymbal to 'stick out' of the fabric of the song too much. I'd experiment with either removing them altogether or making them quieter, moving them more to the center or choosing a darker, less splashy, cymbal type.
2) You've got a great string arrangement in the middle of the song as well. I'd play around with throwing in some quiet, short 'odd' lines in the first third of the song, mainly cello or bass. Just small, unique clusters to build interest.
3) 1:22 to 1:36 needs something. The vocals exhibit tension and build-up but the instrumentation does not follow. Maybe dark string bass lines or how about bringing in the female vocalist in some way?
